Those who pull for the underdog secretly love cats.
100% of all computers are obsolete when they are purchased.
92.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If Satan really is the most faithful attender at your Christian Church, you need to find a new church!
You have more hours in your day than Mother Teresa, and less hours in your day than the Inuit, but that's okay, no one knows their names, either.
If success has 1,000 fathers, then we are all illigitimate!
The only man-made structure visible from the moon is the ship you came in[1].
Nothing is permanent, so renting and borrowing are temporary ownership.
For accounting purposes, you are neither an asset nor a liability to your company--until they actually own you!
Southern women can bring up things 6 months old if their men can still dredge up the American Civil War!
Today's papers have opinions on yesterday's news, guesses about today, and not a clue about tomorrow.
To get it done today, you might need to:
1) get a good night's sleep, and
2) do it tomorrow.
Tomorrow will be today. Today will be yesterday.
If it just can't wait until tomorrow, then just do it yesterday!
If you're not part of the plan and the program, you're probably the pain and the problem.
When you can travel at the speed of light and still have time to look at your watch, tell me whether the Theory of Relativity was even a relevant theory.
A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one. (Sam Rayburn - U.S. Congressman, 1953)
Have a few "pet peeves" related to poor vocabulary usage, but am apt to find them a humorous example of one's blissfulness;
Behind my back: The combined terminology "behind me" and "when my back was turned" has resulted in the ever-popular "behind my back." This phrase carries the same problems as double negatives--behind is a word of reversal, your back is the reverse side of your body. Suffice it to say, if something happens in front of your back, you probably didn't notice it, so be glad for things that take place behind your back--they are right in front of you! Otherwise, make better usage of the phrases "behind me" and "when my back was turned", and avoid the illogical "behind my back". If this typed portion is too hard to understand, understand this: I would have handwritten this, but I ain't got no pencil.
Do-do: I go to an establishment to get some work done, and inquire whether they perform such-and-such additional services. Their answer comes out, "Oh, yes, such and such is something we do-do. I really don't care about your personal feelings about the work, nor do I care how much personal effort it requires, nor do I want to hear about what happens behind closed doors with no professional relationship to the product or service. I just asked if it was something you do. Either you do it or you don't. If you say do-do, I will probably outright laugh at you, because this usage is never necessary and is always hilarious! If this is something you (hmmm-hmmm) do, then please don't (unless you want to entertain me).
Up a tree without a paddle: Why a paddle would be normally found in a tree beyond me, but suffice it to say that if you were up a creek without a paddle, you would be in a real predicament. On the other hand, if some beast chased you up a tree, you might benefit from the existence of a paddle nearby, but again, I'll probably just humor myself in knowing you have accidentally combined two well-worn phrases.
With regards to: I learned this from a better usage manual. Regards (plural) are warm wishes, as in the phrase, "give my regards to Broadway." While I was typing this, someone called me and used the phrase...arghhh! I guess I'll have to deal with it, but if a user wishes to convey a correlation, the phrases "with regard to" or "regarding" or "with reference to" are superior. Conversely, the verbal form will require the s, as in the phrase "as regards".
Apart from all that, I possess the competence and objectivity to make constructive, NPOV wiki edits in many areas!
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